The Week At Wofford

Why Are There No Feminist Fathers?

Tonight I went to hear Carol Adams' talk, "The Sexual Politics of Meat." Though I haven’t had a life-changing epiphany and decided to become a vegan tomorrow, I did come away with a lot of things to think about. More about the sex part of the talk and less about the meat. As I sat in my room after the talk and leafed through her book, I thought about my own life and some ways in which, though I often proclaimed myself to be a feminist, I really wasn't. In fact, I realized, there were many ways in which my boyfriend was truly more of a feminist than I am. He takes a tougher stance on pornography for instance, finding it very unappealing (I understand for some of you that sounds like a mild statement but amongst the men I know, the majority are pretty pro-porn), hates strip clubs, and has strong sexual preferences against any sort of dominance/submission. Though I appreciate these things about him I realized that for as long as we have been together I have viewed these parts of his character as "unmanly" something "quirky" or "different" about him and often even been a bit upset by it. What I realized is that I am playing into the cultural assumptions about what is male, more than he was! My desire for him to be more "manly" at times was the result of my wanting to impose the simplicity of stereotype rather than understand him as an individual. This general revelation led me to think about the role that men can play in feminism. Now some women will argue that men have no place in feminist issues other than that of the oppressor and I will admit that as a social group men are unlikely to ever decide, en masse, to give up all the social privileges that are allowed them and quietly walk away from power, creating true equality for all. I will not go so far as other feminists who claim that men are as oppressed by social constructs as women. To be oppressed is by definition to not be the oppressor. I will say however that men can be hurt and confused and basically messed up because of the same social issues that oppress women (and minorities, and animals if you follow the logic of Adams).

Perhaps I am too optimistic but I do not see the men that are interested in women's rights as opportunists, though I am sure some are. I believe, because I have the joy of speaking to one everyday that some men are honestly and simply concerned with seeing the women they love and respect reach their full potential. Now, don't get me wrong men will never know what its like to be a woman and thus there are some aspects of feminism that are likely to be obtuse to them but this does not negate their role as positive players in the large scheme of equality. It is this very "otherness" that makes them the best person to deliver certain messages. Just as males (and females) can be led, by advertising, the media, consumerist culture etc, to see women as pieces of meat, men can also be led to think the opposite. Men who already see women as individuals, as humans, as non-meat, can influence those who do. All it takes it one guy at a frat party who doesn’t laugh at the sexist joke to ruin the mood. Only one guy to not make cat calls at a women to make his buddies see how stupid they look. One man pointing out the humanity of a woman brings it to light for the others. In many situations, woman cannot do this, if you are already objectified, you can’t be the one to talk. If a man is looking at you and thinking, "sex" or "meat" or "consume" whatever it may be, telling him he is wrong is going to sound no different to him than the script of a porno, or the moo of a cow about to become steak. If it does, it will register as bitching.

Thinking about all this, I began to look forward to the day when I will possibly (if we decide to marry or have children, still haven’t decided how those issues factor into my personal feminist philosophy) raise a child with this wonderful man. I thought how great it would be to grow up with a father who would so fully support his daughter’s independence and free-will, one who will not only allow it, but encourage it; to have a father who will, instead of telling you to stop wearing low cut tops and high heels (in patriarchal culture, the man is head of the family and thus his family under his control i.e. a father who's daughter is showing too much cleavage is not being adequately controlled/monitored; controlling women’s sexuality, etc) tell you that wearing low cut tops and high heels makes you an object of mens visual stimulation and not a human being.

However, a quick web search of “Fathers and feminists” revealed no evidence of such thinking. Every website and group was devoted to “protecting the sacred nature of fatherhood” from evil man-hating feminists. Pages upon pages were devoted to “father’s rights” (an issue that I believe does has merit however) and other, mostly relgious, issues concerning fatherhood. This was not what I was looking for, several edited searches all returned similar results.(To be fair the results for “mothers of feminists” were not promising either) There must be a significant disconnect somewhere in our society if there are not groups devoted to fathers of feminist daughters. (There are groups devoted to anything and everything one can imagine, if you don’t belive me look on Facebook) Are there no feminists out there with fathers worthy of standing beside in the fight for equality? Are there no fathers who see that feminism is important if their daughters are ever going to achieve great things? Are there no feminists willing to admit that some men are good fathers and that the role of a father is not, by nature, a negative one? Where is the problem?

I don’t know the answer, I’m honestly posing a question here, please comment if you have a suggestion.

Tips for a "Green" Christmas

Tips for a "Green" Christmas With the Holidays upon us, I'm sure many of you are wondering how you can make this Christmas more eco-friendly. Have no fear, your friendly neighborhood Planeteers have some "green" holiday advice for your and yours. * More household waste is produced during the holidays than any other time of year. Sanitation departments estimate that between Thanksgiving and New Year's alone, about six million tons of extra waste is generated nationwide. The 2.6 billion holiday cards sold each year in the United States could fill a football field 10 stories high. * If you can find one, look for pesticide-free trees. Some tree farmers use as many as 40 different pesticides. Bad for the environment, bad for you. * Recycle your Christmas tree or use it in a creative way after all the decorations are gone. Chop it up and use it for mulch, make homemade paper out or it, or if you leave near the woods, slather it with birdseed and peanut butter and give the birds a nice big treat/shelter for the winter. * Minimize the amount of waste you are creating when giving gifts. Look for gifts that has minimal packaging, or buy gifts like movie tickets, or giftcards that will let them have an enjoyable experience rather than sticking them with another sweater or doo-dad they didn't really want to begin with. * Think about your wrapping paper options. Buy bags or boxes made of recycled paper and put a bow on them, eliminating the wrapping paper. If you are careful with them they can be reused many times. Look around the house for things you can use to wrap gifts, tissue paper from shopping trips, packing paper, old newspapers, etc. * Give gifts that get people thinking and help them become more earth friendly. Rechargeble batteries are great for people with kids! * Save tissue paper from gifts, packaging materials from shipped items and shopping bags to wrap up your ornaments and decorations in after the holidays. * Plan your shopping trips so you save gas by making less trips. * Donate any unwanted gifts or items you no longer need because you now have a shiny new one. Schools, churches and other organizations often take donations of electronics like cameras, computers, printers, etc. * If you have kids or know someone who does, give them your old holiday cards. Kids love to cut em up and make a collage or some other crafty thing out of them. * Try to make food items from scratch, pre-packed foods create more waste. * Support farmers by buying local and organic foods for your holiday meals. Talk to your guests about the food and why you think its important. * Stuff stockings with organic chocolate bars, fair trade coffee and tea. * Buy LED christmas lights to save money on your power bill and energy. Learn more by checking out www.sierraclub.org/holidays or www.organicconsumers.org

I'm Sick of It...but then again, its not up to me

I'm sick of all the back and forth between Greeks and non-Greeks. Personally, I am a non-Greek but I did rush my sophomore year (both I and the sororities reached a mutual decision that we were not for each other). I will admit that I have made my share of anti-Greek comments during my years here at Wofford but usually they were about the stranglehold that Greek organizations seem to have on the social life here at Wofford (something which is not entirely their fault) rather than an attack on the group itself. I've caught alot of flack from both sides of the issue, not being pro-Greek enough for the Greeks or anti-Greek enough for some others. I have always said that I felt Greek life provides an important social outlet for a campus in a town with very little to do, however I also feel that alot of people take their Greek organization far to seriously. My point is this, I think you should do whatever you damn well please as long as it is exactly that, what YOU please. If you truly enjoy the things that sorority or fraternity life provides, please by all means, join one. If you do not, for god sakes don't. I think you should make an informed decision, and not be pressured by others. I think you should weigh your options and be true to yourself. But I think the same thing about all decisions. Don't join a sorority because you are afraid of being unpopular, dont join because your mom and your sister and every female member of your family all belonged to XYZ sorority when they were in school, dont join because your best friend does. However, don't not join a sorority if you want to just because some of your friends say its for rich kids or dumb girls, don't not join because you like to dress a particular way and you are afraid you wont be accepted (you might not but it's worth a shot). Basically, do what you want to do.

Sure, Greek life can get in the way of school, so that's something to think about when making your decision (one of the reasons I decided not to rush as a freshman) but so can lots of other things. Everyone has a hobby or an activity, some people scrapbook, some watch tv or surf the internet, some go to church or join organizations about recycling or human rights, some join Greek life. Ultimately these are all the same, some may seem more worthy than others but in the end they are all just pastimes, things we choose to fill our days and give us a sense of purpose and community in the world. College should be about alot of things, not a just a GPA or an organization or a reputation (though for some I am sure one of those things becomes their whole life). It should be a time of (as corny as it sounds) growth and exploration, so my only concern with anyone else's choices concerning Greek life or lack there of is whether or not their choices are going to allow them the maximum opportunity for choice and exploration that college could offer. But then again, that's for them to worry about, not me.

...Oh, and for heaven's sake, everyone quite bashing each other, Greek's trying to tout the importance of their organization as anything more than a hobby is ridiculous and nieve and non-Greeks talking bad about Greeks but drinking the free beer they provide at the row every weekend (while acting like you are too cool for the whole scene) is pretentious and pathetic. Mind your own business.   

You Think College Students Have it Rough

I'll admit that am often the first to bemoan the life of a college student. No money, no kitchen, no bathtub, roomates, papers, grad school applications piling up etc. Often I find myself daydreaming what my life will be like someday. I'll have a house, or at least a nice apartment with a full size kitchen and a tub to soak away the stress of my day. I'll have a real bed, instead of one that I practically require a small plane to get down from. My boyfriend and I will live together and we will paint the walls (which won't be made of concrete block) and I'll get a little dog. My days will still be hectic but instead of writing papers I'll be grading them and I will wake up joyfully (ok maybe thats a stretch) each day and impart my knowledge of Titian and Chagall to impressionable young minds.

I get a good dose of reality every time I talk to my father. Now in his 50's, my father is dealing with things that I am sure he never thought he would have to worry about again, like looking "cool" and dating. After my parent's separation, my father, who had always been content to be just an average, small-town father and husband, is now having to think about things like brand-name jeans and good haircuts. Today he called me and complained for an hour about his inability to find a good Halloween costume for a party he is planning to attend this weekend. Still living in the same town I went to high school in, I hear him mention regularly that "there is nothing to do," a phrase I that came from my own lips rather often during those years. My father has a job, he makes good money, he has a nice house, he is his own boss. He has all those things that I'm sure he dreamed of having when he was my age, but I'm also sure he didn't imagine having them all to himself, and no one to share it with.

My point here is not to make you feel sorry for my father or act like I have become jaded in life. It's just a little reminder that just because you have an idea in your head of what your life will be like in 10 years, doesn't mean it's set in stone . Just because you plan on becoming a professor, or a CEO or being happily married to the same woman for the rest of your life doesn't mean it's going to happen. Maybe the lesson is here is a Buddhist one, that expectations are the cause of pain, or maybe its just a reminder that you have to try everyday to create that life you want, that you can't just dream about it and assume it will happen. Likely it's somewhere between those two. But just remember, you never know, today you might be the best dressed guy in your fraternity and the most popular man at the bar and 30 years from now you'll be asking your daughter for wardrobe tips in hopes of being able to get a date (assuming you can find a single, attractive woman who is less than ten years your junior), using Just For Men on your grays and working at a BBQ restaurant. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, however)