3 Days...

I feel like the past four months of my life have been a blur.  So many things have changed since the day I got here, and while I’ve learned a lot, this experience has been much different than I anticipated.  We had a re-entry session the other day at school, and it got me thinking about all the things I have to face when I get back.  All of my friends and people I love have been changing and growing in their lives too.  I have to go back to see where I fit into their new lives and all the things I’ve missed.  I hadn’t really thought about it, but several occurrences in the past week have really begun to put things into perspective.  I don’t want to go back to reality.  I don’t want to go back to grad school choices, seriously intense classes, and all the people I have to learn how to deal with again and become a part of their lives again.

 

            I guess being abroad has almost been like a dream; I don’t even know how to describe it, and sometimes I can’t remember it all.  Where do I begin with the stories and things I learned?  How do I know in what ways I’ve changed?  There are so many questions floating around in my head because I know things will be different when I get back.  I won’t see everything the way I used to, and even if I try to explain the past 4 months to someone, they aren’t going to understand.  How can I tell people about University of Sena students dressed in capes taking off their medieval hats and making me wear them in the middle of the piazza?  How can I describe the little boys as high as my waist in the streets persistently drumming in preparation for the Palio?  What can I say about the Sienese to capture the weight of their contradas and the passion with which they pursue the cloth that is ultimately the only prize of the Palio?  How can I show someone what I still don’t even fully understand?

            Everything holds so much meaning, and in trying to convey this to people in the States, I know there will be a disconnection.  I am in a sense coming back as an outsider to my own country.  Yes, I will be able to speak in English and understand everything said to me, but how do you just leave behind something that has been a part of your life, not even a part, but your life for 4 months?  I guess there is just so much to reflect on in so many ways.  I know my relationships with people at home have changed, but my relationship with Italy has also changed.  I have come to view Italy in such a different way than what I initially thought I would.  I romanticized Italy, seeing only the countryside, food, romance, and beauty; when in actuality, there is so much more.

            Yes, their food is amazing, but the hole in the wall restaurants are 10 times better than any super fancy spot, and while there are many beautiful structures around you, the most beautiful thing is the people.  Watching a little girl fascinated by a couple kissing, or a little boy throwing his confetti at his sister makes me wish I was 5 again.  The little boy who waddles up to another little boy, a complete stranger, taking his hand to chase the pigeons together is as beautiful as looking at any work of art.  Wandering the streets to see cute old couples holding hands or the good Samaritan who gives up his seat on the bus for an old woman who is having trouble with the curves and abrupt stops makes for an experience all in itself.  Even watching the way all the storekeepers interact with their customers, knowing many of them by name and serving up their meats, cheeses, produce, or wine with pride and appreciation for what they do gives the city and Italy character.  Romance is definitely present in Italy, whether you like it or not.  While sometimes a bit much, you can see the passion with which the Italians love and live their lives.

            Sure, the buses are often late, and Italians are dressed in the latest styles and fashions, but overall, there is something beautiful and different just in the little things.  The bus driver who chuckles and waits patiently as you sprint down the hill trying not to miss your bus, the man who lets you in front of him in Conad because you have 1 item and he has 10, the man at the tobacchi who knows what you want without even having to ask, the travel agent who applauds you after you struggle through ordering your tickets in Italian, and the little old lady that talks to you in Italian, even though you have no idea what she is saying are all a part of this culture.  They make up the culture and the city; without them, Siena wouldn’t be Siena.  Of course there are the rude people and the people who treat you like an annoying American tourist, but you shrug it off and keep trying.  It’s intimidating sometimes, but it always ends up being worth it.

            It hasn’t hit me that I won’t be walking these streets anymore.  I won’t be buying the euro slice of pizza in Piazza Gramsci or the delicious foccacia sandwiches anymore.  The bus will not be my only way to get around, and taking a train will be much more expensive.  I won’t pass the man dressed in gold pretending to be a statue anymore, and I won’t get to people watch in the piazza with friends sharing a baguette and cheese.  Everything I’ve been doing seems so unreal.  Where has the time gone?  I feel like I turned my head, and it’s over.  What am I going to do with myself when I get home?  I can’t hop a train and go to some exotic place like Venice or Prague anymore.  I can’t wander the streets, coming upon extremely old churches or monuments to saints that take my breath away.  I can’t buy the corner pizza on the piazza that everyone says is the best, and I can’t get the gelato with warm nutella and strawberries anymore.  Some of these things just become a part of your routine, and it’s so weird to think I won’t be able to do them anymore.

            On the other hand, there are things I’m excited about coming back to.  The variety of food in America, I’ve discovered, is amazing.  I can’t wait to eat HUGE salads with grilled chicken, every vegetable known to man, and RANCH dressing.  I can’t wait for sushi and Thai food, for a big bowl of salsa or cheese dip, for a quesadilla.  Eating Chinese/Japanese or Indian food sounds SO good right now.  I can’t wait to drive my car where I want to go, when I want to go there.  To be able to go to places like Target and WalMart will be fantastic because they are cheap, and I only have to make one stop for all the things I need.  I can’t wait to see my family and friends and just be in my hometown.  I want to be able to speak my own language and be understood as well as understand what is being said to me, even if it’s about the size of shoes I want to try on.  I can’t wait for icees and Sonic limeades because their ice is fantastic.  I can’t wait to just to get back to college life either: late night runs to Waffle House or playing capture the flag on the lawn of Old Main.  I’m excited about living in the apartments and getting back to my home church, HopePoint. 

            So, as you can see, I’m split.  While I’m ready to go home, leaving behind this experience will be hard as well.  A main chunk of my experience too has been the people in my program.  Initially I wondered how we would get along, but they have been wonderful.  We hit it off, and yet they are so so different from me.  Many programs I’ve heard about have had cliques and problems within their group, but ours has been perfect.  I’m going to miss watching Hannah dance to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” or talking to Alex about his obsession with Duomos.  I’ll miss Emma’s sarcasm and Bianca’s crazy stories.  Each person in our program brings something entirely different to the table, and I have really enjoyed getting to know them.  Our farewell dinner tomorrow will be sad, but we’re all planning on hanging out all night tomorrow, which I can’t wait for!!

            I guess readjusting is all part of it, and in retrospect, I am so incredibly glad that I came abroad.  Even while Italian was hard to learn and speak, I’m also glad I chose somewhere non English speaking.  I’ve learned a lot about myself and where my focus needs to be, and I’ve gained an appreciation about a culture that I found I didn’t really know.  I’ve learned more about my Christian faith and how much I need the Lord everyday of my life, and I’ve learned just how important my morals and values are to me and how much more strongly I feel about them after seeing what I’ve seen.  I got a chance to do something that a lot of people don’t get to do: I spent an entire semester in another country, traveling where I wanted and getting to see history and beauty that is unparalleled.  It has been a rollercoaster full of good days and bad, days where I wanted to go home and days where I wanted to stay in Europe for the rest of my life.  It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but it gives you a deeper understanding of so many things, namely yourself.  You take this journey and for some people, they find who they are.  For me, I was able to discover more about myself that I didn’t know was there.  It has been an incredible experience that I will never forget for the rest of my life.